Death where is your sting!!
What do you do when you lose a loved one?Where would you run to?How would you handle the emotions that come with death?While death can be very agonizing and may feel like the end of the road,there is still hope.We will be running a series on grief and how to cope with it.Keep it locked and feel free to share your experiences.
The house felt empty with the smell of death everywhere. I could feel the emptiness spreading throughout the four corners of the house.His seat was empty,The Tea flask was still at the side of his seat,no one had bothered to remove it since the day we admitted him to hospital.Dad was never going to occupy that seat anymore I .I would never sit with him and sip the evening tea while sharing small talk like we used to.How would I ever walk into this door again and not feel empty?I was angry at him,why dad?Why dint you tell me what was coming?I screamed my heart out at death I couldn’t understand why,I had a thousand questions but all this were answered by silence. He was no longer here to respond, no one was. What would my life be like?I was no longer going to be daddy’s little girl anymore and this hurt me to the core. I sank into his seat and cried myself into oblivion, my life had lost meaning and I wanted to follow him.
I was woken up by my phone buzzing and checked to find missed calls from mum. Nanga baba yako anaendelea aje? Ako poa mum but nataka ukuje umshugulikie mimi kazi imekua mingi. We agreed she would board the next available bus early the following day as I needed to travel for work and I couldn’t leave dad alone. This was one headache done with, I would deal with her when she arrived.
I put my phone down and opened my parents room fearfully.Clothes were scattered on the bed as we had left in a hurry. I could feel the silence and smell of death in the room beckoning me,I could feel the walls closing in on me and laughing at my predicament.I hurriedly shut the door and went out running.This was now my reality,I had left him in the cold when he needed me the most.Maybe he would still be alive if I had insisted on staying behind with him in the hospital.I could still see him looking at me with sympathy and tears in his eyes the previous night.It was all my fault that he was gone.If I had stayed behind daddy would still be here but I walked away and left him.
My whole world was crushing down before my eyes and there wasn’t anything much that I could do.Was this what he meant when he said I would be responsible for taking care f mum while he was resting?I needed mum with me but I couldn’t imagine how I would have to break it down to her.That the promise I had made of discharging daddy on Sunday wasn’t going to happen.I had failed them.
The drive back to the hospital was the longest, I wanted to stay with him, he needed me, I couldn’t leave him alone, that wasn’t right. He had been doing well, his health had been improving and I would have discharged him this Sunday. We had been discussing what we would do after leaving the hospital but here I was with the bag containing his belongings minus him. I felt betrayed, I had been praying for him to get well but God had taken him away. I walked into the chapel ,knelt down and allowed my tears to flow freely…….